Sunday, January 11, 2004

Ways To Handle...

...Indonesian Shoppers

Place a "wrong line tax" on these ignorant shoppers, say about 1000%.
(Thanks to Umar.)

The Dave Barryan Way: by using trapdoors on the "8 Items or Less" counters.

Indonesian shopper #1: More than eight items? Oh, come on, the line's empty anywa--AAAAIEEEEEAEEEEE!
Use a series of booming alarm system that points at the culprit with spotlights and pointers.
Indonesian shopper #2: Hi there, Beautiful. Mind if you get me a smok--TWEEOOOWEEEEOOOOWEEEEEOOO! (panics) Oh, okay, no problem. I'll just cut the line in this next 8 Items or Less counter, then---AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!

Indonesian Shoppers trait #4:
Those who define "queue in line" as "be as close as humanly possible with the next person ahead." Which explains why Indonesian shoppers make a "line" look more like a "mushroom."
(Thanks to Lei.)

How to Handle Them:
The Indiana Jonesian way: Employing side-swinging guillotines in either sides of the line.
Indonesian shopper #3: Let's just stand here besides the guy. Who knows, maybe we can cut a line without nobody noticing us and our trolley with 3484 items.

WHOOOOOOSH! (guillotine's swinging too close to comfort)

Indonesian shopper #3: .....
Indonesian shopper #4:On second thought... maybe we should go to the rear of the line like everybody else.
Indonesian shopper #3: Yeah, I hear the view's great there.

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