Thursday, August 26, 2004

Caution: Shameless Self-Promotion Starts Today


Buku Humor + Inspirasional?
Kenapa tidak? Bertanya atau Mati! (BaM!) adalah buku humor yang menawarkan lebih dari sekedar kelucuan.

"Baca buku ini seperti bercermin ke diri sendiri. Gue jadi bisa sadar dan intropeksi, tapi bukan berarti bukunya berat. Caranya lucu dan nggak perlu mengerutkan kening."
--Arie Dagienkz

Sebagai mantan pengejar bus kota profesional, kuli kantoran biasa, dan seorang paman berpengalaman, Isman mengungkapkan sisi lain dari beragam topik kehidupan sehari-hari. Dari cara menghubungkan peuyeum dengan kentongan hingga merancang pernikahan agar tidak terancam bahaya angin puyuh, pengarang ini membuktikan bahwa hidup dapat lebih bermakna -- dengan mempertanyakan hal-hal yang cenderung dianggap remeh, seperti:
  • Apa artinya jika anjing Anda mulai menyanyi Nessun Dorma?
  • Di manakah hubungan telepati paling mudah terjalin dalam acara pernikahan?
  • Kapankah kita perlu menurunkan berat badan demi keselamatan dunia?
  • Bagaimana bayi 21 bulan dapat menjadi kandidat presiden yang andal?
  • Dan mengapa wanita bugil yang beterbangan di mana-mana dapat memajukan ilmu pengetahuan dengan pesat?

"...ini gebrakan baru banget buat buku-buku di Indonesia. As far as I know, nobody ever made something like this so far. Lucu, tapi non-fiktif dan tanpa adegan slapstick, itu yang bikin beda."
-—Ndari Utoyo, Mahasiswi

BaM! mencoba membangkitkan kembali humor tulisan Indonesia yang merangsang Anda untuk bermain dengan otak Anda; humor yang universal, dan dapat menembus batas gender,...

"Gila! Baca aja sendiri."
—-Eric Natanael, Strategy consultant

"Judulnya bikin penasaran. Sekali baca susah berhenti. Isinya komplit seperti resep masakan. Tapi kok resep masakannya sendiri malah nggak ada?"
—-Titiek Onang, Nenek rumah tangga

...latar belakang,...

"Kalau [BaM!] dibaca untuk hiburan, lucu. Tapi kalau dibaca serius, bisa mengajarkan kita untuk memandang sesuatu dari arah yang lain."
—-Arga Aridarma, Pengusaha

"Judging from his way of criticizing the Bowlingual, I was so amazed that [his] work has modest wits, [with] penetrating insight through the every sentence. Even [though] he treats [something] critically, there is a lot of love, humor, and consideration."
—-Nina Higa, Japanese mother of three: twin boys and a female rabbit

...maupun spesies.

—-Popox, Kucing pemerhati humor

...Asalkan Anda termasuk orang-orang yang dapat menertawakan diri sendiri.

"[Membaca buku ini] Seperti menyaksikan gerhana matahari. Indah, langka, dan hanya yang mengerti yang bisa menikmati. Pengarang memiliki pemahaman yang lumayan dalam terhadap segala sesuatu di sekitarnya. Dan ini pendapat yang sangat objektif!"
—-Primadonna Angela, Istri Pengarang (yang euhm… objektif)

Tunggu kehadiran BaM! di toko buku Gramedia terdekat pada minggu kedua September 2004!

Monday, August 23, 2004

Book Update Update: Self-Help And Inspirational?

I guess the site doesn't have a Humor category.

(Note: The schedule stands. The books will prolly hit the shelves in two or three weeks. Circulation issues.)


Some genius put Bill Cosby's book, "I am What I Eat," under Architecture-->Textbook.


The final proof has entered the printing queue since fourteen days ago. Assuming that no meteor falls on the printing company, the book may be ready to hit the stores in the middle of September 2004.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Things I Learnt While Raising A Baby

Raising a baby makes you learn a lot about your relationship with your partner that otherwise wouldn't surface. Here are some that I learnt (for the last 26 days):

  1. No matter how much I love Donna, I will reflexively dodge a sudden piss shower and therefore letting her catch it head on.
  2. Donna takes number (1) gracefully. Now she makes sure she holds me from the back before changing Aza's diaper so I can't escape.
  3. Witnessing your male partner changing diapers in the middle of the night is as sexy as watching your female partner breastfeeding. In a good way.
  4. Exception in diaper-changing: see number (1).
(Inspired by a recent conversation with Affi.)


...for Stupidity.

A guy tried to pickpocket someone at the airport. Nothing new. The difference is, this someone happened to be Taufik Hidayat, the sole Olympic gold medalist from Indonesia, and was just getting a huge welcome from the masses.

Needless to say, the thief got caught and pummeled.

(Thanks to Wahyudi Pratama).

Monday, August 16, 2004

Fasten Your Seat Belt!

In Indonesia, speed bump is called "polisi tidur" or in English: sleeping policeman.(1) And many Indonesian drivers don't slow down on driving over these bumps. Some even speed up and ram them with glee.

Don't ask how we feel about our traffic policeperson.

1: Most probably originated from the British English term. Which kind of makes you think.


...Our fascination with dry armpits is bad. If that doesn't stop you, play the game to see how Pitman moves.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Update: More Real Life Examples

  1. (in a classroom presentation) "...Plicker Pree monitor."

  2. A sign in Bandung: "Tambal Van."

  3. "Pesva."
    --Submitted by vonEbenhaum

  4. "(when a guy being told to spell "SOFMA")...Sierra Oscar Papa Mama Alpha."
    --Submitted by Ndari


You encounter a lot of these...

The actual word is "infaq," a Muslim term for a certain kind of donation.

Should've been "Puding," Bahasa for (surprise!) "pudding."


...when it comes to punctuation?

Try the Eats, Shoots and Leaves Punctuation Game (requires Flash). Or the more serious Punctuation Test (click the Test menu on the left frame).

Monday, August 02, 2004

Why Indonesian Marriages Are Both Cumbersome And Beautiful

So last Sunday Donna and I attended the wedding vow recital and ceremony of our dear friends: Lei and Niang. The former event was scheduled at nine AM. We arrived at 9.15 AM sharp because, being Indonesians, we share a very timely sense of tardiness.

Lei and Niang's Muslim wedding was held traditionally. Which means:

  • They had to invite so many people, most of whom they didn't (and probably still don't) even know.

  • They had to wear overpriced dress and suit that restricted their movement the way plaster restricted Egyptian mummies.

  • And there were more lighting and cameramen than in a rock performance.
As the event took place at Masjid Istiqamah, every guests had to take off their shoes and leave them outside, around the same spot that sported this sign:

Hati-hati Kehilangan
(Meaning: Beware theft!)

Talk about jumping on an emotional bandwagon.

Niang... remember the force of light!

At about 9:30, the groom looked ready, bathed in an overlight. Donna and I was so moved by this sight that we looked at each other's eyes.

She said, "I bet he won't be able to feel his legs afterwards."

"True, true...," I nodded emotionally.

Can I Buy a Vow, Please?

For those of you who're not familiar with Muslim wedding vow recital, this is the normal procedure:
  1. The father of the bride will say something like "I wed you, [name of groom, for instance Anonymus Maximus Son of Fictitious Nonexistantus], to my daughter [name of daughter for instance Igothe Longestname Inhistor Yofwedding Daughter of Secon Dlongestname], with the dowry of [list of things, such as a set of shalat equipment and 249,941 rupiahs worth in gold] paid in FULL!"

  2. The groom will interject with "I accept to be wedded with Igothe Longestname Inhistor Yofwedding Daughter of Secon Dlongestname Inhistor Yofwedding with the dowry of a set of shalat equipment and two hundred forty-nine thousand nine hundred forty-one rupiahs worth in gold paid in FULL!"

  3. He has to say that in ONE breath. Otherwise, back to step (1).
This is why many Muslim weddings take a long time. Some still haven't finished since 1911. There's much rejoice and many shedded tears after a successful wedding vow recital. Children who were previously five years old shout, "Finally! We can go outside again! Hey, look Ma! I've grown a beard!" "Good, now it's time for YOU to get married, then." "NOOOOOOOOO!"

We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

After the successful recital, the newlyweds were told to bow as a gesture of gratitude. Donna and I were kind of annoyed that we didn't get that chance in our wedding. I mean, there's no other occassion when you can practically point your butt towards the audience AND get away with it (without having to be a very good stripper, that is).

The Culinary Adventure Called "Wedding Reception"

There's one thing I respect about Indonesian weddings: we celebrate the birth of a new marriage couple by serving food that could clog your arteries to death. I'm not kidding. Observe...

Nothing but fat!

The sign on the above picture says "Nasi Lemak" which literally means "Fatty Rice." We don't lower ourselves by saying "Flavored Rice" or "High Calorie Dish" or any other euphemism. Oh, no... we tell like it is: rice with a whole wad of fat. And the guests don't think twice. They eat it. In BIG portion. If there were a stall with a sign that said, "NOTHING BUT FAT!" Indonesians would've still formed a line for it. And I use the word "line" in a very loose sense. Because a queue in Indonesia would look more like a Roman attack formation.

So anyway, a big hearty congratulation to Lei and Niang. May both of you blessed forever with love... and, for God's sake, stay away from Nasi Lemak.