Friday, November 07, 2003

Second-Hand Item Of The Millenium

Might need a little patchwork, but is a great investment for potential world-dominators.

Key quote: "Shipping is not applicable"

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Punctuality Update

My friend Alex said that the situation in India is worse. "Being late a day or two to attend a wedding is quite... normal," he said.

Maybe because the wedding itself takes forever to finish.

When I was a kid, everytime I read R.A. Kosasih story telling about a wedding ceremony that lasted for seven days and nights, I got all excited. "Aww, too bad that never happened, here," was my actual response.

Now I know better.

I mean, a wedding ceremony for seven days and seven nights! Imagine that happening next door. What can you do if you need to catch some winks? "Uhm, sorry, I'll have to work tomorrow morning, so could you just turn it down a little?"

"But of course!" says the host. He'll then turn to the dancing guests (all of them), and clap for attention. "Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that from now, dancing will commence with bare feet."

"Can I use Nike Air?" asks a guest.

"No. Too many squeaks. We don't wanna disturb anyone."

The audience complies, and the dance continues.

With louder music.

Punctuality Is... the lochness monster. Most people don't believe it actually exist. And if we insist on the contrary, they'll politely suggest us to get a life.

Just finished speeding through empty Bandung roads at 5:50 AM, only to find my co-workers missing out their 6 AM appointments so successful, if there were tribes that worshipped the God of Time, they'd have been the Shamans of Tardiness.

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
-- Franklin Jones

"I am a believer in punctuality though it makes me very lonely."
-- E. V. Verrall

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, be prompt and you dine alone."
-- Gerald Barzan

Conspiracy Theory Update

If you happen to drive around Bandung, and your car starts to wiggle around like it was powered by an Ab-Hoolahooperizer2000, don't be alarmed!

You'll probably notice that the roads have developed more holes than swiss cheese. And you're bugged by this feeling that the number of holes are growing. Guess what? You're right!

Ever since the local government started the new bypass project, these holes mysteriously appeared. And as the bypass construction advances, the current roads keep getting less. It's as if --analogically speaking--somebody just move the roads to somewhere else.

Wouldn't it be convenient for the government that if this keeps on, by the time the bypass is finished, there will be no roads left? What can we, drivers, use then?

Why, you silly. The bypass, of course. With a fee. Which goes to the government's pocket.

Coincidence, or great marketing strategy? You decide.

Every Enlightenment Has Its Price

Although it's good and all to gain new understanding about things, but alas! Not without a cost. Now, I'll never be able to tread on any water puddles around Jogja, or anywhere else with horses abound, lightly.

There's no such thing as free enlightenment.

To The Unexpecting, Enlightenment Cometh

The journey to Jogja has opened my eyes about life. In particular, horses.

It was a usual evening walk on Malioboro, when suddenly, this horse nodded its head and bodily fluid started --and I'm not exaggerating--gushing out. "BURRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSST," was exactly what it sounded like. Only longer.

The event took about thirty seconds. To which I responded calmly with an open jaw. "Whoaaaaaa!" These horses make water hydrants look like drained water guns.

No wonder we hardly read any news about wild fire in Jogja. I imagine a scene when a cigarette burn turns ugly. "FI~~RE!" shouts someone. And the others will exclaim, "GET THE HORSES!"