Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Not Exactly A Clean Getaway

In Washington, three naked men raced through a Denny's restaurant last January 14th. That early morning streak was intended for a good clean fun. But the joke was on them. They watched in horror as somebody beat them into their getaway car and drove off. Along with their clothes.

They were forced to huddle nude in the cold weather until the police arrived.


1) They mistake "Open Marriage" as "Open for Marriage." Ditto for "Open Relationship." Which is why more than a few Indonesians proudly display either status.

2) i dOn'T kNOw hOW THey dO iT, bUT sOMe oF tHEm WrITe lIkE tHis. iT TOok mE aBout fIve MiNUtes to cOmpoSE tHeSe siMPle SeNTenCes, bUT ThEY cAN dO IT in--I dON'T kNOw--5 sEcOnds, PeRhAps?


iT's Not AS HarD as You ThinK. JUst bANg yoUr Head In tHE WalL tHaN CLosE YouR LEft eyE whIle YOu tyPE. ThAT's HOw WE do It! (off stop watch. 2 sec. yeah!)
--Sanity Inc.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Shake It!

For those who don't know, dangdut is the national folk music of Indonesia. Like reggae to Jamaica. Or country music to Texas. In many Indonesian festivities, you can see how dangdut manages to entertain the crowd.

And I use the word "entertain" in a very loosely way. Some people love to dance to rhythm. While I, maybe the few people who listen to the lyric for the entertainment. I'll take the example from a dangdut song I heard last week (roughly translated):

Shake your bootie!
Shake your bootie!
Shake your bootie,
That song should've won the Nobel prize by putting "bootie" and "solemn" on the same breath.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Today's Science Topic

Some time ago, scientists discovered an optical illusion that can trick people into not realizing how parts of their faces are actually upside down and look ugly. Coincidentally (or maybe not), it's called "The Margaret Thatcher Illusion."

Wonder what would these eager scientists discover next? The George W. Bush Illusion? The optical illusion of seeing weapons of mass destruction in any third-countries with profitable oil deposits.


"Don't close your eyes for the crash; you'll miss the best part"
--Bruce MacInnes, Skip Barber Driving School instructor

Friday, June 18, 2004

Attention, Indonesian News Writers!

This is how you should write a headline.


Too bad you can't use your coworkers' photos in this South Park studio.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Yeah, Yeah, You Spotted Some Mistakes... the movie Troy

Show it off someplace else.


Countless flicks, like Troy, portray how men spread conflicts of disastrous proportions over trifle reasons, some involving women or football matches ("Sorry, Julius... but you were offside." "WHAT!? TO WAR WITH THE GAULS!!"). To compensate for this stereotypical view, I must point out that men are not always so brutal and off-minded. No! Men also do things to promote peace and tranquility to the world. Things that embrace the nature.

Things such as this.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Missed A Few Movies... The Exorcist? Watch it in 30 seconds. (And reenacted by bunnies.)

If you like that, you might also enjoy The Lord of The Rings in 60 Seconds.


A food joint at the new Cihampelas Walk in Bandung sells "Black Paper Steak."

Monday, June 14, 2004

Presidential Election Update

I saw this campaign poster in a particular area of Bandung. It shouted the name of the candidates out loud, "Mega-Hasyim." Under which, someone scribbled, "Gesundheit."

Friday, June 11, 2004

Try The World's Second Smallest Political Quiz

Just click here.

Because the actual Smallest Pollitical Quiz would be more like this:
1. Are you political?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Not sure
( ) Who cares?


Written on the Poppins' baby wear label:

The best thing are
the think we sell more
easy clothes
free style planning
(I'd hate to read about the worst thing.)
On a children's T-shirt:
Somewhere I blong
Bom in earth
(Sounds like a deathwish.)
On a baby shirt labeled Mickey&Donald:
Take on hat, wear the boat, and
shake the rape our funkiest style
is ready to go on !!!
(But of course, nobody will object someone who can wear a boat.)

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Toilet Humor Alert

If you don't care for alerts, click here.

Worth quoting:

(written on a men's restroom at the University of East Anglia)
Don't beam me up Scotty, I'm having a sh


This defines the saying, "The best place to hide your valuables in is a stained underwear."

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Presidential Election Update: Indonesia Is In Good Hands... long as the next president won't have to count.

Worth quoting:

"You can see how many wives I have in my CV," Hamzah said.
(Thanks to Veriyanta Kusuma.)

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Names Update

Now I know I should forget expecting people to get my name right. Why? Let's just call it my Britney Spears sense.

(Thanks to Veriyanta Kusuma.)

Monday, June 07, 2004

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy: The Movie Update

The official site now has a blog.

Produced by Jay Roach, the movie will feature Sam Rockwell as Zaphod, Mos Def as Ford Prefect, Bill Nighy as Slartibartfast, Warwick Davis as Marvin the Paranoid Android, and John Malkovich as the original character Humma Kavula.

For those who missed this classic, HHGG is a book that started as radio plays by the late Douglas Addams, a true wordsmith and master of satire.

Worth quoting from the original play:

Arthur Dent: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.

Ford Prefect: Why? What did she tell you?

Arthur: I don't know; I didn't listen.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Caption Writing Madness #3

King of  The Day

  • You know your cat's been reading too many fairy tales when...

  • This week's superhero: The Mighty Watch-bearing and Hand-sanitizing Cat

  • "Mine! Mine! All mine!"

  • "I wish they gave me a crown with less noise."

  • "Regular Watch: $75. Hand Sanitizer: $2. That silly-grinning-face(s)-of-whom-will-provide-my-regular-meal-in-return: PRICELESS"
    Submitted by enda.


  • Beware: Egomaniacal Cat!

  • Single, striped male seeks female companions for ruling his kingdom together under a watchful crown and clean government.

  • Animal Preservation Campaign: Sanitize your hands before touching!
    Thanks to pip.

The above picture belongs to isman. For those who missed it, see the previous entry: You Only Live Nine Times.


Q:Hey, I tried searching for "Caption Writing Madness" (without the quotes) on your site's search box up there. But it gave me false leads. What gives?
A: Algorithms. The feature you talked about is powered by AtomSearch engine, so it'll work accordingly. The keywords you entered will make the engine search word per word, and somehow miss the actual page. You'll be able to find a more relevant results by entering "Caption+Writing+Madness" (without the quotes) or "Caption Writing Madness" (with the quotes).

Q: 'Kay, then... Why the fascination of cats?
A: Two reasons: they don't mind being manipulated when they're sleepy. And when sober, they're too lazy to protest anyway. Both points make them better amateurish photography targets than humans.

Q: But there are many other subjects that also fit on those two reasonings.
A: Yes, such as dead insects. Which also make good conversational topics around lunch.

Q: Really?
A: Sure. Try it the next business lunch with your colleagues. When one of them asks, "So how's your day?" Reply with enthusiasm, "Great! I never knew cockroaches can still move around even when you've squashed its insides out. It will try to crawl around, dragging his upper body while the insides oozing out on the floor. Really cool!" You'll notice that your colleagues will then keep their distance. Because this topic commands respect.

Q: Thanks! So how about lunch next week?
A: No, no, my friend, you've earned my respect already. Go practice with someone else.

Saturday, June 05, 2004

The Irony Of Things #4

According to "Strange Foods" by Jerry Hopkins, wild horses in America faced a threat of being endangered because they had to compete for water and forage with grazing cattle. The U.S. Bureau of Land management then ran a program to protect wild horses on public lands. "Excess horses" were rounded up and offered to the public for adoption. The governmnet spent more than US$1,000 to collect, vaccinate, brand, and administer the paperwork for each horse. And adopters pay US$125 for a healthy horse. The new "parent" agreed to keep the animals for at least one year. Some did, many didn't, most selling them for slaughter eventually, for about US$700 apiece. Since the program started in 1982, more than 165,000 animals have been rounded up, costing over $250 million.

Ironically, this sudden supplies boosted demand and the horse meat industry in the US.


In Chinese, the words for "crisis" and "opportunity" are the same. It introduces the phrase "A person's career opportunity is the fruit of another's crisis."

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Labor Tips #1

When your pregnancy has reached its 8-month period, start packing immediately! So if the baby suddenly decides to pop up early, you'll be prepared.

Rules of Packing:
#1: Never trust a guy to do the packing
#2: Pack essential things for you, the baby, and your partner separately

And last but not least...

#3: Never trust a guy to do the packing

This is what a common guy would pack when being instructed, "Just pack the essentials for our baby."

Guy's interpretation: The needs for grooming, responding to the call of nature, and self defense

While for the guy's essentials, he would've packed either a TV set or computer, one deodorant spray, and a LOT of food. So here's a useful tip. When your male partner starts trying to fit the boombox into your bag, just smile and instruct him in a calm manner. Trust me, we guys respond better that way. Especially when you're also holding the baby's self defense tools.


The country code for Russia is "007"

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Observational Humor Update

Jerry Seinfeld always has this thing for Superman. You Seinfeld fans out there may have noticed that there's a reference to superman in almost every 169 episodes of Seinfeld. Jerry took it to another level now by starring in (and cowriting) a few "webisodes" titled "The Adventures of Seinfeld & Superman"

Apparently, Jerry and the Man of Steel hang around together now they both are "out of it."

Worth quoting:

Superman: Two.
Waiter: Do you have a reservation?
Superman: Superman.
Waiter: Hmm... no.
Superman: Maybe under "Man of Steel"?
Waiter: Man of steel... man of... yes, right here.
Jerry: Man of steel? Why did you do that?
Superman: Want somebody to catch us?
Jerry: No.
Superman: No we don't.
Watch the Today's Show interview here.

Truth is, these mini series are online ads for American Express. And you may also notice the shameless plug for "Comedian" on the site.


Back to Indonesia, TV7, a national TV channel, now airs the first comedy show ever that features a standup. How good is it? Well here are two hints:

#1: The show is called "Jayuz...Pliz Dong Ah!" (a reference to dry humor)
#2: Here's a sample of the joke
"I like to introduce my name now and then, because my momma used to say, "If you don't know the man... get to know him."

#3: Yes. That last one WAS the punchline.
#4: I know I said TWO hints but I can't help myself.

But anyway, at least it shows some good intention. IMO, a local standup comic is long overdue.


"Contemporary literature" is what we normally call some great works in literacy. Then after the authors are dead, we can call them "classic."
--Primadonna Angela

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Indonesian Spam Cont'd

We attended a social meeting last weekend. After the host extended his formal greeting the emcee offered whether anyone would like to respond.

An elderly lady jumped at the opportunity. "I'd like to congratulate the host for holding this event," was how she started. "...and I'd like to remind all the guests here as well: Don't forget to go to [name of building] next week! My organization is going to hold a bazaar! There will be seminar for healthy massages. There will be a singing festival!"

She went on and on for about 10 minutes before, "Oh right, I might as well introduce ourselves while we're at it. I'm here with my husband..." She looked around...
"...whom I don't know where right now," she concluded.

We suspected the husband hide himself. I don't blame him. I would've done the same thing.


Yesterday, my partner saw this plaque in the southern Bandung area that says:

R###### English School
Have you speak English?