Tuesday, January 20, 2004

The Complete Clueless Moron's Guide To Robbery

Chapter II: Planning

1. First and foremost: Make sure the bank is not closed.

2. Leave your wallet at home. You won't need either your ID or that VISA card at where you're going. Especially, if you're the type of guy who tends to leave your wallet at the scene of crime.

3. Wear a disguise that doesn't attract undue attention. In particular, do NOT dress as a vampire. Or as a chicken.

4. No. Shaving cream is not a good disguise, either.

5. But more importantly, DO wear something. Attempting robbery while being naked won't impress your victims much. Remember Shania Twain.

6. Bring your own getaway car. Do NOT hire a cab.

Chapter III: Demand Notes

1. Do learn to spell correctly before trying to write a demand note.

2. Do NOT write your demand note on the back of your own cheque.

3. Last but not least: Do NOT return to the crime scene to pick up the demand note.

Chapter XII: Living the Life on the Run

1. In the case of a gunfight: Aim the gun first. Then shoot.

2. Do NOT turn yourself in just because you feel sick that the cops always failed to get you.

Appendix A: Burglary as a Side Job

1. Do pick a valuable target with little risk. Do NOT, for example, steal a teddy bear from the police station.

2. Do use a fail-safe method of entry. Specifically, do NOT hide in a package and try to post yourself into a house.

3. Do NOT celebrate your success by drinking and sleeping at the scene of crime.

(Thanks to ananova.com)

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