Monday, February 09, 2004

Only On The World Wide Web

The Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything.

It's a button. It's big. And it doesn't do anything. This simple concept can only sell on the Net. Because in real life, we already had too many useless buttons.

What's with Men and Buttons, Anyway?
Given a remote, a guy would go crazy on that thumb, even when he has only one channel. It's like there's a genetic code embedded in our DNA. Next to "Thou shalt pee standing," there's an instruction that says, "Thou shalt proceed to push any button reachable enough by the current physical means."

There's also a counter-instruction, "But NOT on Saturday night's live football match."

Maybe this is why the danger of nuclear war is never over. Because to activate the launch, you have to push a button. It's too tempting for the male presidents. One president loses control, the next day the world's gone. We should change the mechanism. Maybe to activate the launch, one should do the hokey pokey. Then no sane president would launch the missile. The world's safe.

We Also Have a Heart for Levers
Before buttons, we had levers. In the original Star Trek episodes, the Enterprise used levers. We're crazy about that as well. Maybe this is also why the electrical chair uses one. Even a soft-hearted man can be an executioner. He may scream and shout that he won't do it. But the minute he sees the lever--FLIP! BAROOOOOM! The job's done.


When constructing a base of operation, do NOT make a big red button that says, "Self-destruct."


The Last Page of Internet

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