Watch Out! Here Comes The Mighty Pizza Hunter

For a time now, I've been getting on "The Warrior Diet." One of the main reasons is because the name sounds cool. If there's another method called "The Nuclear Thermoblast Diet" I might consider changing.

The Warrior Diet's a method devised by a guy named Ori after studying the behavior of ancient hunters. He observed that hunters at those times ate and drank a lot. If there were an open position for hunters, the ad would say:

HUNTERS WANTED!
If you:
- Hunt animals
- Eat a lot
- Drink a lot
See Jim the Bartender

Yet these hunters retained their lean, muscular bodies. Considering that at those times computer touchup wasn't yet devised, Ori figured there's gotta be something behind this.

So he investigated their eating habits. This proved to be difficult, because most of those hunters died hundreds of years ago. So he resorted to research instead. Apparently hunters started the day with a light meal before going hunting ("Waiter! Light meal, please"). Then during the hunt, they ate jerky, dried fruits, or roots, only to keep their energy filled (and of course, no animals would want to come closer to a person--no matter how camouflaged he is--whose stomach growls all the time).

Only after a successful hunt, a hunter then proceeded to have a feast. He'd skin the prey, dry them, and prepare the fire. At this point, some of them started browsing marthastewart.com for barbeque recipes.

Sometimes they failed in their hunt, yet their vigor remained, which didn't resemble a modern human's behavior when [s]he misses a mealtime. I have a friend to whom I've always wanted to give an Oscar everytime he wails and complains that he's going to miss lunch (at 10:30 AM) because of a deadline ("My ulcer, it's screaming...")

"So that's why they're lean!" you probably thought. Not entirely correct. Indeed, hunters kept their body lean because on average, they only ate ONE big meal a day. But also because the body's undernutritious during the day, on the evening it was ready to absorp the big meal. This circle is similar to Islam's way of fasting, Ori noted, but The Warrior Diet constitutes drinking a lot of water and eating tiny portions during the day.

In short, survive the day hunting, and reward your body with a feast at night. Another reason why I chose this diet is because on the book, Ori wrote, and I quote, "Go Hunt a Pizza!"⁽¹⁾


FOR YOUR MORBID TASTE

Written on a menu brochure of a food court in Bandung, under the Juices&Punches:

Grave Juice

(Thanks to my partner, The Semantic Hunter)
____________

1: The theme song would go something like this...

He~~re comes
The Mighty Pizza Hunter
He'll always
crave during the day

Feast comes
At night when peace has gather'd
But it all stops
when he has to pay