Hello, kids! Welcome back to Television's Little Lesson, where you can find wisdom from TV, which is as useful as a freezing air conditioner in Alaska. Today's topic is Stress Management. Here's what you do:
When the going gets tough, and the tension around you reaches its climax... just blank out for five minutes and start the commercials! It'll allow your mind to take a break and piss out its negative energy in a bad taste.
The keys are: Timing and Placement
Evil Boss #1: What kind of a report is this!?WRONG:
You: Uhm, the kind that ticks someone off?
Evil Boss #1: FOR GOOD REASON! And I'll tell you why...
(movie trailer voice over) When the world faces its greatest danger...
When the people are desperate for a hero...
One man, has to take a stand.
Facing all odds,
And turning the table upside down, until...
...will demand that this man writes down the report in threefolds.
They won't be in this movie.
[insert your name here]
Evil Boss #1::....and that's about it! Do you understand?'
Friar: Do you [put your name here if your sexual preference fits] take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?DEAD WRONG:
You: Uhm... err....
Audience: Come on! Say it!
(dancing around) I like pistachiooo! It's unlike your moustachiooooooooo!
It's crunchy, it's yummy! And the end is not so pointy!
That's why I love pistachiooooooooooo!
You: HAHAHAHA YES!
Robber: Hand over your money or I'll blow your head off!
You: But I---
Robber: Try something funny and YOU'RE DEAD!
(movie trailer voice over) One man. One robber. One chance of survival. Who is going to---BANG!
SO THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT BY SAYING "IT'S THE REAL THING"
Until 1905, Coca cola, which was marketed as a tonic, contained extracts of cocaine as well as the caffeine-rich kola nut.