Television's Little Lessons #2

Hello, kids! Welcome back to Television's Little Lesson, where you can find wisdom from TV, which is as useful as a freezing air conditioner in Alaska. Today's topic is Stress Management. Here's what you do:

When the going gets tough, and the tension around you reaches its climax... just blank out for five minutes and start the commercials! It'll allow your mind to take a break and piss out its negative energy in a bad taste.

The keys are: Timing and Placement

CORRECT:

Evil Boss #1: What kind of a report is this!?
You: Uhm, the kind that ticks someone off?
Evil Boss #1: FOR GOOD REASON! And I'll tell you why...
---blank---

Commercial starts.
(movie trailer voice over) When the world faces its greatest danger...
When the people are desperate for a hero...
One man, has to take a stand.
Facing all odds,
And turning the table upside down, until...
one Boss....
...will demand that this man writes down the report in threefolds.

Keanu Reeves....
Morgan Fairchild...
Nicolas Cage...
They won't be in this movie.

But you....
[insert your name here]
will....
Commercial ends.

Evil Boss #1::....and that's about it! Do you understand?'
You: Yes.

WRONG:

Friar: Do you [put your name here if your sexual preference fits] take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
You: Uhm... err....
Friar: Well?
Groom-to-be: Honey?
Audience: Come on! Say it!
---blank---

Commercial starts.
(dancing around) I like pistachiooo! It's unlike your moustachiooooooooo!
It's crunchy, it's yummy! And the end is not so pointy!
That's why I love pistachiooooooooooo!
Commercial ends.

You: HAHAHAHA YES!

DEAD WRONG:

Robber: Hand over your money or I'll blow your head off!
You: But I---
Robber: Try something funny and YOU'RE DEAD!
--blank---

Commercial starts.
(movie trailer voice over) One man. One robber. One chance of survival. Who is going to---BANG!

SO THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT BY SAYING "IT'S THE REAL THING"

Until 1905, Coca cola, which was marketed as a tonic, contained extracts of cocaine as well as the caffeine-rich kola nut.