"Was Internet designed for people who have waaaay too much free time?"
Q: I jam a pair of scissors into my crotch every day. Do I need help?
A: Only if your aim is bad.
Today is the deadline of the competition held by Bandung's Institute of Government Studies (BIGS)(1). They're going to reward the best article that portrays the topic "If I Were a Politician." The rules of competition state that the entry HAS to be at least four pages with single spacing. Well, here's mine.
A Decent Proposal
Dear Esteemed Judges,
I've read the rules in your competition, about the article must be at least four pages long with single spacing. Knowing that the first prize is two and a half million rupiahs, I sympathize for your plight in reading hundreds of entries.
How about you stop right now? If you name me the winner, you can immediately rest and spend the 50% share of the prize.
Think about it. Isn't this exactly what a politician would've done? Never play by the rules. Unless, of course, to his advantages.
Isman H. Suryaman
It's not like we're a nation of good English speakers, ourselves.
Google around for "looser Indonesia." On the top two entries, you'll find the term "Top Looser" and "winner and looser." Both are, supposedly, written by Indonesians.And not just grammatical. We also have semantical cases. Here's what I found on an official tourism website.
"North Sulawesi is Diving!"Dunno about you, but that last line sounds like we're trying to invite tourists to die, instead of having fun.
"North Sulawesi is Culture!"
"North Sulawesi is Adventure!"
"We're waiting for you in paradise!"
NO TOUCH DRUGS(Submitted by Affi)
You must be well dressed on the road. Violating this rule you will be seized and confiscated.(Submitted by donna)
...a complete guide to Bathroom Etiquette.
Never pee beside someone. Instead, it is best to wait while busying one's self with activites mentioned under the Ideal Situation, with the possible exception of moonwalking, for which breakdancing should be substituted.
Kiek in de Kok.
The Kiek in de Kok tower was at one time the tallest defense tower in Eastern Europe....Until somebody took a mighty swing and...
No, you're not alone. Just visit the Archive of Misheard of Lyrics.
OFFICE FENG SHUI OF THE DAY
The water element runs still and deep. Treat your office boy well. You don't want extra, unwanted liquid in your coffee.
...for those who like to bleed their brains out.
Quoted from Trivia Challenge II:
"Quick! Name three Grimm's Fairy Tales that don't showcase the murder of one character as the prelude to the happy ending for another!"From the Hangman Challenge:
"Guess 5 words in a row and enter your name on the nationwide Record Board!"Just don't hang yourself (or your coworkers) in the process.
Below are actual menu selections from various restaurants, coffee shops, stalls, and bars in Japan.
Om Lat Eggs
Wild Bore Soup
Steamed Vegitable Bums
See Food with Plan Rice
Dice Beef Steak
Caab Meet Batter Rice
Cold Condomme in Dish
Flying Oil Prawns
Fried Flesh Water Shrimps
Rose Wine Squash
(Inspired by Henry Alford's "Cafe Manhattan." Information taken from Miranda Kenrick's "More Gems of Japanized English.")
Still hungry for more Japanized English? Try www.engrish.com
Posted by Isman H. Suryaman at 10:22 AM
Due to a quaint national habit of firing rounds into the air to celebrate or beat boredom -- Iraqis have a special problem: falling bullets."But not bullets, apparently.
"Among Arabs, we believe that if a person owns a gun nobody will harm him," explained a gun shop owner. "Looters will stay away, troublemakers will stay away."
Here's a hint: In almost every bathroom doors, underneath the small icons of a person and another wearing a skirt, there will be labels that explain "Men" and "Women."
ICON RECOGNIZE THE FACE
A Kompas article dated February 28th 2004 told about supporters of a local football club. Their official fan club costumes display the iconic face of Ernesto Guevara. And that is only one example. Many apparels exist displaying the famous picture taken by Alberto Korda. You can spot many Indonesians of various background wearing them.
But when asked whether they knew who was the person in that picture, there were various answers;