It's All About Love

Last night I was treated to the fanciest home-cooked meal every couple can have: junk-food home delivery. Not that I'm complaining. In front of me were a couple of chicken breasts designed so well to make your mouth water, your cholesterol skyrocket, and your arteries clogged. So I poured over the tomato sauce, bit a chunk out of the fatty-fried chicken, and stopped when I heard Donna from the bedroom.

"Look! Look! Aza's poop is thicker now!" she yelled.

"Cool!" I replied while chewing. "Tell me ALL about it while I EAT!"

Donna appeared from the bedroom, across the dinner table. With a mock indignant face. "But isn't marriage all about sharing?"

"Sure," I nodded. "I'll let you know when I fart later."

"You don't have to," she grinned. "I can easily notice the trail of dead mosquitos leading to your butt."

Any other questions why I love her so much?


ONE WAY TO GET (THE WRONG KIND OF) ATTENTION

I once attended yet another MS Power Point-based presentation. It was a lengthy, boring presentation filled with bulleted points. Until one point when the speaker said, "These are some of our past IT projects." He then clicked a button and there it was, the title on the large screen: "Fort Polio."


TODAY'S OFFICE PRODUCTIVITY TOOL

Try to get out of this blue room without feeling the need to blast everyone around with a shotgun.

After about five minutes, relieve your stress with this. Aaaah... doesn't that feel good?

Update: First...

...I want to say that human curiousity can really drive you to do things beyond your normal boundaries.

And second, I've already confirmed: baby poop DEFINITELY does NOT smell like sugar!

(No thanks to Ine and Affi for the push on my back.)


DAILY CONVERSATION

Aza (3 month of age): (Pooping with the sound of a muffled shotgun)

Me: WHOA! Now that was loud.

Donna (my partner in life): (chuckles) I bet Aza feels relieved. (Places Aza on the baby matress) You know what?

Me: (Getting the baby powder, baby wipes, and a clean diaper) What?

Donna: This article says that during the period of three to six months, the baby's poo will smell like sugar. (Taking Aza's pants off)

Me: Like hell it would.

Donna: Why not?

Me: How can it be?

Donna: (Raises brows) Aren't you the person who wrote a book dissing rhetorical questions?

Me: You just popped one. (Pauses) You're saying I should check it out before making a judgement?

Donna: No. YOU are saying--in YOUR book--that we should check AND re-check.

Me: (Shrugs) Okay, enough with the capitals, already. I'll do it! (Opens the soiled diaper)

(Stares at the spoils of war...
..for
five
seconds.)

Uhm, on second thought... I think we should respect the writer's credibility.

Thank you for 366 days (and counting) of loving. It's been and hopefully always will be an enlighting ride, full of laughters.

Today's Indika Interview Highlight

"I just want to say one thing first; you're one crazy dude."

--Ivy Batuta

OUT OF THE (COMMENT) BOX

You know what, you should be glad that your book shows up in so many different categories. You'll get broad and diversed readers. Aaand.. you'll also get critiques from Phsycologist and Teenagers (although you might need to use your truth serum this time).

Freudian Psychologist: "Well, reading BaM, you can definitely make a conclusion that the author didn't have a happy childhood. You can see that he has a deep hatred for the Peuyeum seller who wouldnt sell the rocking-horses at a cheap price to his mom, thus causing his mom NOT to buy the rocking horses he wanted badly.."

Teenager:"Plis dong ah, BaM gitu lho. Siapa sih yg gak suka. Cover nya dong... Covernya. Keren bgt gitu lho.. Oren Bo. Matching sama kuku gw.."
--meta.

UPDATE: THE OTHERS STILL HAVE NO CLUE

Gramedia Bintaro puts BaM! among teenage novels and pocketbooks. While Ambas Mall's Office 2000 categorizes BaM! under "Religion." Thou shalt buyeth this book!

(Thanks to cici and mbot.)


FINALLY A BOOKSTORE GETS IT RIGHT!

Gramedia Depok places BaM! on the Humor section. Although as durin succinctly put, "People who need modern psychology will miss it a lot."

(Thanks to metty.)

Another BaM! Review

This one's by Iya. Like I said in the book, it's always nice to know what people think about the book without having to resort to truth serum.


THIS JUST IN...

...BaM! has been sold out at Cilandak's Kharisma (not Gramedia).

(Thanks to serenity for the info, and thanks to everyone who makes it happen.)


UPDATE: AT LEAST...

...somebody is interested in the 20% discount.

GET BaM! WITH 20% OFF THE MARKET PRICE

Available during Pesta Buku Gramedia Pustaka Utama (GPU) at Bentara Budaya Jakarta, Jl. Palmerah Selatan 17.

Only valid till September 26th, 2004.


MY DAD ONCE SAID...

..."How could you hear that awful music! It sounds as if the singer's a parrot!"

Well, he's right.


TODAY'S OFFICE PRODUCTIVITY TOOL...

...helps me move forward! (For the record of 73 meters.)

(Thanks to Andy PS).

Today's Literature Gold Award Goes To...

...Haiku Movie Reviews.

Worth quoting:

TWISTED
Thinking I'd sit through
another Ashley Judd flick:
Now that is Twisted.

INDEPENDENCE DAY
Killer aliens?!?
The most shocking thing is this:
Will Smith can act! BOOM!

TODAY'S OFFICE PRODUCTIVITY TOOL

Moral of this tool: If you can't go out and have fun, at least play the puzzle version and feel silly about it.


TODAY'S GIFT IDEA

The Amazing Flygun.

This spring-powered gun fires a fly swat at high speed. Just aim at a nearby fly and squeeze. A great solution for couples having a heated argument: giving a common enemy. And we're not talking about in laws.

Girl: I can't believe you're such an insensitive jerk!
Guy: Well, you're not very flattering yourself.
Girl: Okay that's it! I'm go--THERE'S A FLY AT YOUR 2 O'CLOCK!

SPLAT!

Guy: Oh... thanks. I don't know what would happen without you, dear.
Girl: I know you'll do the same thing for me.
Guy&Girl: (kiss and make up)

Welcome To The Land Of Double Meaning!

My close friends, my partner and I went to Ciwalk last week. Ciwalk stands for Cihampelas Walk, yet another proof of Indonesian tendency of abbreviating things. But that's another story. We had lunch in Platinum, a place that sports positive slogans on their windows, such as "Customer First" and "Pro-active." The attendant greeted us with a warm smile.

Then she let us wait for twenty minutes before we get a seat.

Afterwards, the waiters managed to dodge our calling them for another ten minutes. I was in the middle of writing this on the order checklist;

"Dear Sirs & Madams... we are starving. We've tried to get your attention for too long that we've decided to mail this order instead through PT. P--"

A waiter interrupted me with great timing, "May I take your order?"

At this point, we've finally understood that the slogans were open for definition. Such as: "Pro-active: In other words, self-serving." Or, "Customer First... Good Service Later."

Needless to say, the food also came a bit late. The meal was quite delicious, though. Kinda made us feel sorry we had already eaten the waiter.


THE COOL WAR IS STILL ON!

America gains another point for inventions such as The Toilet Landing Lights. The only thing missing would be a little guy flagging you to the target.

"But these inventions are laughable!" you may protest. Well, yes. But they're much cooler than none at all.

That settles it! America now leads with... uhm... I lost count. So we'll have to resort to the formal method frequently used by our government: just make it up. To make it interesting, let's say 194 - 193. Indonesia is only one point behind! The drama! The suspense! It's so thrilling, I need to go to the bathroom. Hopefully, I won't need a guidance.

Update: Interview Postponed

Since Indika FM's going to celebrate its anniversary this Friday, some of the regular programs are rescheduled. This includes Insight with Gramedia, which would be held the next Friday (September 24th).


TODAY'S OFFICE PRODUCTIVITY TOOL...

...involves guessing about facts that we know little about. Sounds like marketing department to me.

(Thanks to Veriy.)


BIG HEARTY THANKS...

...to Adhit, meta, cepi, reney, risna and snydez for spreading the BaM! virus.


TODAY'S OXYMORON

"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression.
This was a lie and we could not let them publish it.''
--Nelba Blandon, Nicaraguan Interior Ministry Director of Censorship

ONE STEP AT A TIME...

Indika FM Jakarta (91.60 FM) schedules a phone interview⁽¹⁾ about BaM! this Friday (September 17th) at 9.15 AM. Still tentative⁽²⁾, but hey, it's a start. Indika FM has this joint program called "Insight with Gramedia," a 30-minute session to review and talk about a certain book that may appeal to their listeners. BaM! fits quite nicely to the picture.

______________
(1): Which means, I could prolly attend it while doing the number two without the listeners noticing. Unless I can't keep it down.
(2): Latin for "don't hold your breath."

Update Update: Come Back In Two Years

Out of the comment box, here's what vonEbenhaum wrote (Note: the original comment was somehow lost, so this was written from my memory--which is as reliable as a BMW who's been shot by a tank).

Good point, although the people here share the peculiar perception about my homeland.

RedCross Guy: Would you care to donor your blood?
Me: Sure! I've been a regular donor back in my country. *sits down*
RedCross Guy: Great! Just roll up your sleeves. So where's your country anyway?
Me: Indonesia. *rolls up sleeve*
RedCross Guy: Uhh...
Me: Anything wrong?
RedCross Guy: Well, we can't take your blood.
Me: How come?
RedCross Guy: You see, Indonesia is a backwater country with a lot of diseases like dengue fever, malaria, and such.
Me: Uhm...
RedCross Guy: Tell you what... come back in 2 years. If you're still healthy by then, it means you're not infected. So it's safe to donor your blood.

Back to lesson #3 for me...
--vonEbenhaum

UPDATE: LESSONS LEARNT THE HARD WAY

1. Feeling safe and secure is a luxury we often take for granted.
2. Sometimes it's hard to fathom how some people think outside the "norm" that we believe in, such as "to kill people (that aren't necessarily related to your cause)--even for a good cause--is wrong."
3. We hate feeling helpless.
4. Anger and fear normally engulf us everytime there's a tragedy that slap lesson #1, #2 and #3 at our face.
5. Succumbing to anger is easy, but #3 stays no matter how hard our fingers pointed or our accussations screamed.
6. It takes smaller feats to seize control over #3: donating your blood at the nearest Red Cross post is one. Showing (in your own way) that there's another side to Indonesia that embrace love and intelligent behavior, is another; that no matter how much it hurts, you don't let anger overcomes your love.

QUICK TIP: HOW TO BE ROMANTIC IN 5 SECONDS

Click here and recite the full sentence(s) to your [would-be] partner. Hint: keep a straight face.

Today's compliment:

Cry for the stiffness of the earlobe. The turtles are fallen and the rain stands still. How long must I suffer with your undergarments?

With codes like these, who needs Shakespeare?

Modern Psychology Nowadays...

An edited session of my online conversation with another dear friend.

Alex: Bought your book, bro.
Me: Cool! Where?
Alex: Gramedia Bogor. It was sold out.
Me: Sold out as in "THESE THINGS ARE HOT!" or "there weren't that many on display in the first place."
Alex: Whaddya mean "on display"? They practically hid the books on "Modern Psychology - Self Help" category.
Me: Nice to know the bookstore is as anxious as me.
Alex: There's another thing.
Me: What?
Alex: There's this BIG book which is 1.5 thicker than yours, titled, "Guide on Using Yahoo and Hotmail."
Me: Modern Psychology indeed.

AND THE ENERGIZER BUNNY WOULD BE... PURPLE?

Danu, a dear friend, tried to search for BaM! at Blok M's Gramedia. He asked an employee for help. Mistaking the back cover as the front one, he said that the cover was green.

After some time, they finally found the book. And the employee complained, "What did you mean, the [front] cover's GREEN? It's definitely PINK!"


THAT EXPLAINS IT!

Here's what a guy (whom I suspect is a male Surabayan, but I could be wrong) wrote to me:

"It's not a mindless thing. I believe your book is on that category because we [Surabayans] also consider politic as a laughing matter."
--Reno

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF BaM!

For those who haven't read it, "BaM!" is a humor book that pokes fun at ourselves. One in particular is the habit of doing things mindlessly.

And last night, pip just SMSed me, informing this news flash: "...your book was put on the political section! Right between "Geliat Irak Pasca Saddam" and "Political Marketing: Strategi Memenangkan Pemilu."

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call an irony.

On a side note: A co-worker bought a copy without realizing that the writer works on the same building. (And who says "office socialization" is not an oxymoron, eh?)


UPDATE: "BaM!" HAS LANDED ON PALEMBANG!

It's official! After Jakarta, Bandung and Surabaya, BaM! is now available in Palembang Gramedia bookstores, categorized under "New Release."

(Thanks to Faris Syauki, pip and snydez.)


CAN SOMEBODY HELP?

A relative reported that she overheard a Bandung's radio station discussing "BaM!" yesterday morning (August 31st). However, the radio was on somebody else's car, which then took off before she could recognize the station. Any Bandungers happened to listen about it? Any enlightenment would be appreciated.

Please report any other sightings to this post.
Any comment or feedback about the book? Feel free to mail me at a_scriptwriter at yahoo dot com, or at this post.