The KKK Took My Baby Away

When our newborn baby developed excess bilirubin, we took her to a local hospital. To our horrors, the ER referred us to the KKK.

But apparently, KKK stands for Klinik Kesejahteraan Keluarga (in English: Family Welfare Clinic). So we sighed a relief, knowing that the nurses wouldn't be cladded in all white.


They wouldn't do things like blindfold her.

And they wouldn't indoctrinate us to wear masks.

On second thought... uh oh.

One Lesson in Twenty Years

Late last night, I saw a single scene of an old flick that summarizes Indonesian film in the 80's.

The scene covers the inside of a house. A big and ugly guy tried to rape a supposedly-pretty girl. Our protagonist opened the front door. It took him about two seconds to realize:
a) This was his house.
b) The girl was his wife.
c) The big and ugly guy was not him.
d) What words to say when you have to stop a rapist without cursing.

He darted to the ugly guy. "Hey!" he shouted, while throwing the guy to the floor. He pummeled the ugly guy effortlessly, with sound effects that pop a bit late.

A loud knock on the door interrupted their fight. Being a courteous host, the protagonist left the antagonist lying on the floor, and opened the door. The antagonist cooperated by occasionally moaning.

A bunch of policemen gathered on the front perch, apparently forgot that they should've appeared AFTER being summoned. The protagonist let them in without words. Because, apparently, the policemen weren't the only ones forgetting their lines.

The captain greeted the protagonist and asked, "Mr. Agus?" He did that in the tone of a teacher addresing the class.

The ugly guy suddenly stopped moaning and raised his arm. "That's me, Sir." The police nodded and handcuffed the ugly guy.

And this wasn't a comedy flick. Now, after twenty years, this particular scene would've been done like this;

A handsome guy tried to rape a beautiful woman who looked innocent and pure (aside from the overuse of makeup). Before actually doing anything, the guy would spout off lines about how he was going to do her, how she was going to be him forever, and nobody could stop it. The woman would comment on every lines with highly-observational remarks such as, "You're going to rape me?" "How could you?" "Why would you?"

This would take about fifteen minutes. And since this would be a TV drama, played on primetime where children would also be watching, the dialogs had to include cursing. Added with a commercial break.

After the break, we would see the protagonist realizing something: the episode had gone fifteen minutes without him in it. He had to do something! So he ran. He overdid everything. Even crossing a lone street looked as if the roads were infested with landmines. If the protagonist was a muscular guy, a car would crash him. Bleeding and bruised, he would continue walking toward the next scene.

He broke into the house. The antagonist would turn angry, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The protagonist would be even angrier, "Stay away from her!" The woman would make silly attempts at expressing both fear and joy by raising and lowering her eyebrows. The antagonist and protagonist then exchanged death stares, accompanied by overdramatic music.

This would take fifteen minutes.

And that's the end of this episode. The final screen freezed and the credits rolled. This would also take fifteen minutes.

Twenty years, from the 1980's to the 2000's, for a simple lesson: It would only take one second--to turn the damn TV off.

What--Recording System?

A typical example of a classic Indonesian record album cover: the shoulder-crop photo collage ala Brady-Bunch. Notice the different hairstyles--as if we couldn't have told them apart if they wore the same hairdos. And if the group consisted of four or more personnel, one of them just had to have an Afro. As you might have suspected, the English title didn't signify that the producer was familiar with English.

Hence the center label on the right: Bimbo Recording System. Bimbo is the surname of three siblings who achieved stardom in a group called--yes--Bimbo. They got so successful that they ran several music businesses. One of which was this recording studio.

Nowadays, Bimbo were better known by their--I'm not kidding--religious songs. These songs preach about heaven and hell, wrath of God, and kindness. During Ramadhan (the fasting period for muslims), people play these songs all over the place; at radio stations, supermarkets, even on public transportation.

So who's your religious keeper? In Indonesia, it's the Bimbo.


(Cover images taken from musiklawas.)

Washing the Warehouse!

When outlets are having stock sales, they usually put up a sign that says, "Cuci Gudang!" In Bahasa, it literally means, "Washing [the] Warehouse!"

I have no idea who came up with the term. Maybe an obsessive-compulsive owner who complained a lot everytime he inspected the warehouse. "What is all this dusty stuff doing in my warehouse!" he screamed.

"This is our inventory, Sir," replied his attendant.

The owner grunted, "Well, do something about it!"

"Like what, Sir?"

"Put it on sale or something! Then wash the whole place! I want it sparkling clean by tomorrow morning!"

The attendant nodded, "I hope you feel the same thing about your cash register."

And what if they don't have a warehouse? What signs do they put? "Cuci Toko"? (Literally: "Washing [the] Store.") Why not "Cuci Tangan"? ("Washing Hands.") Isn't that what they're actually saying? "You can buy these things for cheap prices. So don't expect anything else from me. Be they're broken, they're burnt easily, or are major cause of cancers. They're all your responsibilities now. I wash my hands of it."

The Evil of "Between Quotes"

The official Indonesian tourism site dedicates a special section on Bali. This move is part of a program called "Bali Recovery", trying to restore inbound visits to this island. However, one particular page about family vacation rather misses its mark. In my opinion, the last thing you want to read about a family vacational spot is how children "friendly" it is.

Worth quoting:

...Balinese adore kids! The Balinese love children and are quite protective of them. They will often come up and strike a conversation with the kids and will sometimes pick them up and want to give them a hug. They will comment on how cute the "tourist" kids are.

Oh dear esteemed editors, please, let's not scare away potential visitors and just cut the last two sentences, shall we? And lose the quotes. You don't want "friendly" adults near your children either. Except if your kids are indeed "tourists".

_______

PS: Please remove "Isn't it well?" while you're at it. Remember the golden rule: if you smoke pot while copywriting, it'll show.

Having Trouble Sleeping at Nights?

Ask Dr. Pillow


Having Trouble Waking Up?

Play hide and seek with Lil' Clocky.

Worth quoting:

When the snooze bar is pressed, Clocky rolls off the table and finds a hiding spot, a new one every day.

(Thanks to Pip)


What's the Best Thing? Blow up People and Still Go to Heaven?

Pat Robertson, an American Conservative Christian broadcaster, warned his viewers about a "mass killing" that will happen in the United States in the second half of 2007. How did he know? Well, he claims that God told him.

However, he told viewers they should not be afraid because "if you get blown up or something, you go to heaven; that's the worst thing that will happen to you".


Quotations You Don't Hear That Often

"Thank God for cheap bras."


Brace Yourself: We'll Soon be Hearing Soapy Lines such as "I Know I'm Cheap, but Don't Pluto Me yet, Darling!"

Direct quotation:

To "pluto" is "to demote or devalue someone or something," much like what happened to the former planet last year when the General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union decided Pluto didn't meet its definition of a planet.