Comprehensive Virginity Test for Our Mayor

To help our honorable mayor in Indramayu do his work to maintain peace and order, I say we devise a test that can accurately tell whether a person is a virgin or not. This test will use the most accurate method ever invented for Indonesian educational system. This test will use the same design that help decide the future of millions of highschool students.

Yes. This test will use multiple choices.

I can sense your neverending admiration. But let's move on to the test.

1. What is your favorite color?
   a. Red
   b. Uhm, I'm not sure. Red?
   c. Red, because I'm a virgin


2. You were lost in the desert for hours. At the end of your strength, you found an oasis. You drank the water. How did it taste?
   a. Like great sex.
   b. Like water.
   c. Like the virginity that I've been keeping.


3. Can you spell "Virginity"?
   a. D-U-L-L
   b. C-H-O-I-C-E
   c. I-T-'-S M-E


4. Suppose you videorecorded yourself having sex and then accidentally handed it to the wrong person. Suddenly it was all on the Net. What did you learn?
   a. I should've used higher quality videos
   b. I should've lived nowhere near Indonesia
   c. I should say at this point that I'm a virgin


5. Are you a virgin?
   a. Like Britney Spears.
   b. Depends on your definition of a "virgin"
   c. Yes.

There you have it! The solution to your virginity-determination problem, dear Mayor. And don't thank me. This is what a good citizen should do. Supporting our elected officials, instead of blindly critizing them.