If Art Museums Insist That Their Visitors Shouldn't Touch the Exhibits...

...they should've displayed Gum Blondes. These brainchildren of Jason Kronewald look like this one.

And were made entirely from chewed gums. Which gives an entire new meaning to the phrase "the kind of art you can chew."


THE COCKROACHES WERE HAVIN' A PARTY IN MY HOUSE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT

I once read an article that stated that we shouldn't be wary of cockroaches making appearances around the house. "[Which] signifies that you have such a clean house, the cockroaches have difficulties in finding food, [so] they need to get out in the open," said the so-called expert.

Let's assume, for the sake of having no argument, that he's right. His statement still doesn't explain why the cockroaches in my house are getting out in the open and and hanging out on my soap. I'm not kidding. They just crawl into my bathroom, get on top a new bar of soap, and stay there.

I can only think of two possibilities:

1. These are reformed cockroaches, which realize that "Hey, we're not picking up any chick this way. So why don't we try washing up, paint our bodies black and white, then tuck the antennaes so they look like ties."
2. Soaps contain elements that are either bad for their health or just smell bad. And that's why a bar of soap is the perfect party tools for cockroaches. I bet one of them is saying to another right now, "Got a drag?" "No, but I know a perfect bathroom that got one." "Great, let's round the boys!"

Whatever the reason--just call me roachist--I'm NOT sharing my soap with a roach.