What Magazines You Buy Defines You

I've realized this after I stopped buying Men's Health and turned to AyahBunda (literally: FatherMother) instead. Maybe after growing flabs for the last year, I surrendered. I couldn't associate myself anymore with six-packs. And I start finding solace in looking at pictures of people with bigger tummies than mine.

"But those people are pregnant," said my partner, Donna. You can always count on your life partner to ruin your self-justification.

"Details," answered defiant me.


MY FUNNY FRIEND AND ME

But I know she's got a point. I shouldn't be making excuses to myself. You don't make excuses to a close friend. And if I weren't my own closest friend, well, I would've felt lonely most of the time.


THE POWER OF WORDS

Not that feeling lonely is a bad thing. It's the "most of the time" part. Eating isn't a bad thing. When you eat most of the time. It's bad.

"Most of the time" is the Mother of All Warning Signals. Always be wary of somebody who says something, then adds "most of the time."

Let's say Indonesia were at war. Our president showed up on TV and said, "Victory is imminent! We've crushed our foes in air, land, and sea battles!" He coughed and mumbled, "Most of the time." That would've been the cue to run like hell to the bomb shelter.


THE "MOST OF THE TIME" HEADLINES GAME

Find a random newspaper headline. Make sure it's a positive and upbeat statement. Add "Most of the Time" and watch it dawn bad omen in your mind.

Examples:

• "Study Finds Cancer Cure That Works! (Most of the Time)"
• "'Cellphone Is Safe for Your Ears (Most of the Time)'"
• "Bandung Strives to be A Clean City (Most of the Time)"

Works better than a cracked mirror. Most of the time.