Good News for Nielsen Media Research Indonesia

Now, trained monkeys can also do statistics. No need for expensive peoplemeters anymore. Just put them in charge.

If today's sinetrons are the ones favored by the latest peoplemeter surveys, I bet these monkeys can't come up with anything worse.


This Just In: Advance in Teleporter Technology

A team of physicist have successfully teleported data across an 89-mile distance. This brings great promise for teleporter technology such as portrayed in Star Trek.

However, if the teleporter is ever invented, the top priority would be using it for airline luggage control: to teleport clean underwears to people who fly to--for instance--New York, while their luggage end up in Jakarta.


Today's Final Scientific Breakthrough

Apparently, to make marathons more interesting, we could place 19529.78823529 Shaquille O'Neals (lying flat on the road) to form a line to the finish line.

And it takes exactly 844800 flaccid penises to measure the length of the Panama canal. Now that defines a major turn-off.

More breakthroughs can be found in Weird Converter.

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(Thanks to Arga Aridarma)

Thank You... The Rude, Offensive e-Cards You Sent Me Made My Day

Courtesy of someecards.com.





Here's one they should add: Thank you for sending me free materials for my blog. You saved me a few hours of actual brainwork.

I'll be sending that one to you, Dudi.

Star Warsian Mother's Day

Recently, I re-watched Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back with a friend. She kept her silence until the dramatic scene when Luke faced Vader in a lightsaber combat.

Darth, of course, cut off Luke's arms and said, "Luke, in case you didn't understand Germanic, I'm your father." Luke's expression showed disbelief.

And my friend broke her silence, "I think that wasn't an expression of surprise."

"What do you mean?" I asked, more curious on how could she have read my narrative beforehand.

"Maybe he just felt lucky."

I frowned, "Lucky for what? Knowing that there will be a sequel?"

"No, knowing that Vader was just the father. Look, if someone ever raised a lightsaber against his own mother--believe me--she wouldn't have stopped at just cutting off a single arm," said the mother of two.

"Uhm, Happy Mother's Day," I said with a gulp.

Environmentalism Redefined

Recently, The World Wildlife Fund (WWF) Indonesia successfully demonstrated how lack of concerns can blow up things beyond normal proportions. On April 29th, 2007, WWF Indonesia and Aksara Bookstore held an environmental-awareness event for kids. One of the kids' parent wrote to a national newspaper (in Bahasa) how he had already had bad premonition about the event because the event preparation was amateurish; delays, LCD and computer not functioning, and so on.

Then finally it happened: Trying to switch video CDs, one of the crew accidentaly played an X-rated video clip. Everybody was taken aback that the video got aired for tens of seconds before the crew finally shut the computer down. By then, every single kid had watched the footage with various reactions.

Key quote:

...some kids screamed in horrors, but some others applauded.

The event was named "WWF-Aksara Goes Green." The parents, however, went red.

Things You Expect To Find in an Indonesian TV Channel #1

It's been years since the last time Indonesian TV producers "adapted" an American TV series. For instance, they've produced the local version of "I Dreamed of Jeannie" and "The Nanny". They even took the main idea of "Splash" and turned it into a series.

If only the same producers weren't busy stealing ideas from Korean soaps, they might have made a detective series called "Get Serious". It'd be about a private investigator named "John Serious". He'd approach people and say, "John Serious, Private Eye. Has anyone seen this dog?"

"You're kidding, aren't you?" they'd ask.

To which he'd say, "No, I'm Serious."

His business card would go something like this;

Serious, John, P.I.
"When the going gets tough, get Serious."

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Update (thanks to Wikan and Haris.)

The archenemy would be the master of disguise, James Kidding and his evil assistant, Robert Confused. And their typical encounter would be like this;

John: Can you tell me where to find Mr. Kidding?
James: Oh, I can tell you all right.
Robert: (turns to James) Sir, you're serious?
James: I am.
John: What do you mean? I'm Serious.
James: Well, I'm Kidding.
John: You make me confused.
Robert: No, that'd be me.
John: Wait, wait. This is going nowhere. Let's start with our names first. I'm Serious. And you're Mr..?
James: A simple Kidding would be fine.
John: I'm sorry, what?
James: Just Kidding.
John: Well, that doesn't help.
Robert: I'm Confused.
James: Aren't we all?

Fatherhood Aptitude Test #1

1. Set your alarm clock to go off at 2 AM.


2. After waking up, put it on your arms. Swing it gently until it dies off.


3. Set the alarm to fifteen minutes after. Try to get some sleep before it goes off.


4. If the sun hasn't risen yet, return to #2

Survive for six months straight. Try considering to have a child.

Note to spouses:
Keep suicide pills away from his sight. If your partner exhibits any signs of violence on the mention of "baby", use the sleeping darts (not included).