Thinking Outside The Pants

There comes a time for every person, when he has to face the dreaded reality again. That after searching for a good pair of pants, he realizes that... none of them fits.

I have a few pairs that I only use for special occassions, like attending wedding ceremonies, public speaking, or mud-wrestling Jessica Alba. I'm going to be a keynote speaker for presentation skill next week, so yesterday, I tried all of them. I realized that while wearing one, I couldn't do one thing that a public speaker must always do: breathe.

So, it's diet time again. (Like a wise man said once, "You can't spell diet without 'die'!") And I 'm maybe among the few men who do it not for the sake of vanity. But solely because I'm cheap. Buying new pants costs money. And it means I have to give up the old ones.

Which brings us to environmental issues. Dewi Lestari, once wrote in her blog that we can help by doing little things. Such as throwing away old clothes that we no longer (or simply can't) wear.

Or maybe she didn't. Her post is so long, that I have troubles keeping notes. I think to save the environment, first we have to establish a rule that posts about environments need to be short and concise. So us readers can actually understand.

Or at least slip in a few breaks in a long post. Something equivalent of commercial breaks, but instead of making you want to go to the toilet, they will keep you interested, such as nude pictures of Jessica Alba.

Anyway, because I don't actually understand, I'll have to assume that Dewi suggested us to throw away old clothes for environmental benefits. I'm all for environmental benefits, as long as I don't have to do anything. However, I have to argue that throwing old clothes that no longer fit--at least in my case--is just like throwing our shoes when we break our legs and have to keep it in a cast.

When we get better, we can't find them. "Where the hell are my shoes?" we ask our spouses, because we know that only actors in sinetrons (Indonesian soap operas) who talk to themselves. Then, finding that they're already gone, we have no other choices but to amputate our legs.

So call me cheap and non-environmentalist, but I'm not burning bridges to pants which fit my previous waistlines. I'll instead opt to eat only celeries and carrots for the rest of the day, drink twelve glasses of water, and sleep early in the night.

Because tomorrow morning I'll surrender and buy a new pair of pants.

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PS: On a side note, Jakartass invites us to think outside the blog--sorry, box, for Indonesia (this includes important environmental issues such as: should we stop Ahmad Dhani from polluting the TV channels?) and share our thoughts there. I was going to offer this post when my partner pointed out that, "Technically, it says nothing about Indonesia or environment."

Details.