Postcards From Gods

Suppose all mythical gods still existed today. What kind of correspondence or public announcements they'd have made?

---

Dear People of Bandung,

I'm sorry about last night's power outtage because of severe thunderstrikes. I slipped while aiming for Nigeria. My mailbox is flooded by Nigerian royalties who want to endow me with their fortunes. I am Thor, Thordammit. No mortal endows me anything.

Electrifyingly,
--Thor

---

Dear Single Mothers of Jakarta,

Should your baby show any idiosyncrasies, especially the capability of picking up and hurling some large objects--such as books, plates, or cars--please contact us immediately.

--Human Relationship Manager for Zeus

PS: And welcome to the family.

---

Personal Ad: Centuries-mature, charming male divinity looking for young, attractive women for a temporal relationship. You don't have to be rich to be my girl. I don't have to be cool to rule your world. All it needs is my extra time and your kiss.

---

To Whom It May Concern,

We're concerned about the lack of moral issues that one of the gods has demonstrated through the use of personal ads, which--and we emphasize--practiced no self-constraints of copyright infringements on our client's song.

We do not wish this brutal case of lawless behaviors to exemplify godly behaviors. Therefore we seek justice in the sum of three wishes under human contracts. No terms and conditions apply.

On behalf of the Artist Formerly Known as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince,
---Bill & Ted & Associates.

---

To: divinebeings@googlegroups.com
From: numberone@godsonearth.com
Subject: Yo

Does anydivine know who and where is this formerly prince guy? I want to turn him into a newt, but I need directions. All male mortals look the same to me. Turned one's face to look like an ape. But apparently it's the wrong guy.

Divinely yours,
--Big Z

---