The Bassinet Of Horrors

So you have a baby, congratulations! After a few days in the hospital, you get home in anticipation of happy days to come... and end up spending the night on the couch. Because you forgot to buy a baby bassinet.

So the next day you went out and buy one. Not just a bassinet. But a portable bassinet. With just a few adjustments, the salesperson said, you can turn the bassinet into a baby rocker. Therefore enabling your child to sleep in comfort of being rocked back and forth, with the possibility of being launched like a catapult missile. But it's all for the good of the baby, of course.

And not just that! With yet a few other adjustments, you can attach wheels. Which looks cool. Unless the bassinet's still in the baby rocker mode. Then it'll look stupid.

And after all that, there's the assembling part. Boy, would you love to take your hands on it. You've got parts. You've got tools. You've got the manual. What else is wrong?

Everything. For instance, my in-laws brought a portal bassinet to assemble at my home. There's a big print on the package that says, "Simple Assembling Needed!" and the manual says, "...even a teenager can do it."

After two hours, three guys with a bachelor degree and a college student decided that teenagers nowadays are geniuses. We also believe this explains pop culture. Some old people must've been inventing it to keep teenagers from studying and conquering the world.

We also decided that Aza (the name of our newborn baby) will be free of all that. That is, if he survives being thrown out of the rocker.