Today's Philosophical Question

"Was Internet designed for people who have waaaay too much free time?"

Answer: Yes.

Worth quoting:

Q: I jam a pair of scissors into my crotch every day. Do I need help?
A: Only if your aim is bad.

The Notorious BIGS's Competition Entry

Today is the deadline of the competition held by Bandung's Institute of Government Studies (BIGS)⁽¹⁾. They're going to reward the best article that portrays the topic "If I Were a Politician." The rules of competition state that the entry HAS to be at least four pages with single spacing. Well, here's mine.

A Decent Proposal

Dear Esteemed Judges,

I've read the rules in your competition, about the article must be at least four pages long with single spacing. Knowing that the first prize is two and a half million rupiahs, I sympathize for your plight in reading hundreds of entries.

How about you stop right now? If you name me the winner, you can immediately rest and spend the 50% share of the prize.

Think about it. Isn't this exactly what a politician would've done? Never play by the rules. Unless, of course, to his advantages.


Sincerely yours,


Isman H. Suryaman

_______________________

1: It's a good thing the Institute's not located in Padalarang. People wouldn't be able to say the acronym with a straight face.

Stop Laughing, Indonesians!

It's not like we're a nation of good English speakers, ourselves.

Exhibit A⁽¹⁾:

• A menu in a Bali's cafe offers a breakfast special of "toes with butter and jam."


• A manufacturer in Kalimantan produces welcoming mats that say, "Melcowe."


• Here are actual menu selections in Sumatran restaurants and bars: "Bawels in cow sauce," "sour soup juice," "coffee and egg," "green sand bottle," and "green sand tin."


• Inside many intercity buses in Sumatra, there's a sign that says, "Recleaning Seat."

Exhibit B:

Google around for "looser Indonesia." On the top two entries, you'll find the term "Top Looser" and "winner and looser." Both are, supposedly, written by Indonesians.

And not just grammatical. We also have semantical cases. Here's what I found on an official tourism website.

Exhibit C:

"North Sulawesi is Diving!"
"North Sulawesi is Culture!"
"North Sulawesi is Adventure!"
"We're waiting for you in paradise!"

Dunno about you, but that last line sounds like we're trying to invite tourists to die, instead of having fun.


UPDATE:

"...the funny thing about living in bali is because this is the main tourist destination in the country, people seem to feel compelled to write everything in english, without the effort to do so properly. In result, you'll see a sign like this on the street (this is I think part of the local government's anti drugs campaign)."

NO TOUCH DRUGS

(Submitted by Affi)


"To me, the hardest thing to do in Bali is keeping a straight face when reading signs like this one:"

You must be well dressed on the road. Violating this rule you will be seized and confiscated.

(Submitted by donna)

_____________________________
1: Information taken from Miranda Kenrick's "More Gems of Japanized English."

At Last...

...a complete guide to Bathroom Etiquette.

Worth quoting:

Never pee beside someone. Instead, it is best to wait while busying one's self with activites mentioned under the Ideal Situation, with the possible exception of moonwalking, for which breakdancing should be substituted.

ATTENTION DR.MOREAU WANNABES!

Today's topic is "cow." Just click here now!

Places That Make You Go 'Ungh' #27

Kiek in de Kok.

Worth quoting:

The Kiek in de Kok tower was at one time the tallest defense tower in Eastern Europe.

...Until somebody took a mighty swing and...


FORTUNE COOKIE OF THE DAY

Just your luck. No fortune in this cookie. Try again.

Killing Me Softly With His Bong

With his--WHAT?

No, you're not alone. Just visit the Archive of Misheard of Lyrics.


OFFICE FENG SHUI OF THE DAY

The water element runs still and deep. Treat your office boy well. You don't want extra, unwanted liquid in your coffee.