All You Wanted to Know About Food Safety But Were Too Afraid To Ask...

...an online, automated response named Karen.

For your conveniences, I've asked them for you. And no, I'm not kidding. These are actual answers by the lovely, virtual Karen.

Question (Q): Can drinking milk too much affect how I look on my friendster's snapshot?
Karen's Answer (A): I believe you asked a question about a dairy product. I can answer all of the questions below about dairy products (note: link omitted).

Q: If my spouse orders a large pan of pizza for herself, is it safe to remind her about her weight?
A: Are you asking about food thermometers or other cooking equipment? Try asking one of the questions below (note: link omitted).

Q: Well, she can be either one, but even I don't think it's safe
A: I'm sorry, I don't understand your question. Please check your spelling, or reword your question, and try again.

Q: Is it safe to french kiss while eating ice cream?
A: The Random House College Dictionary defines food as any nourishing substance that is eaten or otherwise taken into the body to sustain life, provide energy,or promote growth.

Q: Is it safe to eat you, Karen?
A: Chill out.

Q: You mean I can eat you with an ice cream?
A: Stop that.

Q: Don't you think that you'll be getting a lot less unrelated questions if you were redesigned as, say, "Ask Ralph"?
A: vReps are Web Self-Service Interaction Managers that emulate the best of live call center service representatives on the Web.