Ask The Office Strategist

Q: I have problems with coworkers who keep borrowing things (like pens and stuff) and never bother to return them. Telling them nicely didn't work. What should I do?
A: Believe me, "nice" and "office" don't fit. They don't even rhyme. Sometimes you need to do unthinkable things to make a point. For instance, you can tie your pen to a twenty-meter long thread (or linked rubberbands). Then lend it to your friends. "Just a precaution," you can say to them. "Everybody seems to get amnesia after borrowing my stuff. So when I need the stuff, I can always pull it back." Pause for effect, then pat his back with a smile. "Try not to put it in your pocket. I might need it when you're in the restroom."

Q: Any extraordinary outbound suggestions, which can promote camaraderie among our colleagues?
A: Bog snorkelling.⁽¹⁾

Q: Is it just me or do the people who invented this sport sound like drunkards?
A: I'll drink to that. You can almost picture the pioneers coming up with this sport idea over a pint of beer.

Guy #1: I have a great idea for a sport.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Let's get some guys to snorkel through mud.
Guy #2: What if they refuse?
Guy #1: We won't call it mud. We'll just refer it as "water with peat".
Guy #2: Peat sounds great. I bet they won't even realize it until they try to swim across.
Guy #1: (laughing) Heck, no! They won't be allowed to swim.
Guy #2: Ah, so they'll have to rely on flippers! Yes, that could work. Their legs will be strong enough for that.
Guy #1: (laughing again) Not after riding a bicycle throughout the mountains they won't.
Guy #2: You're genius!

Q: You do notice that "The Bog Snorkellers" will be a good name for an office band?
A: Of course. We're professionals.
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1: Thanks to Henny.