Marketing Speak 101: Say What?

Today's case study is Pixar Giving Disney the Boot.

What Disney Management Said:
Tom Staggs, Disney sevp/cfo, said Disney management could not accept Pixar's final offer because it would have cost Disney hundreds of millions of dollars it is already entitled to under the existing agreement, while not providing sufficient incremental returns on new collaborations to justify the changes to the existing deal.

What They Really Meant:
"You asked for--WHAT!?"

What Steve Said:
"After 10 months of trying to strike a deal with Disney, we're moving on," said Pixar's CEO, Steve Jobs. "We've had a great run together -- one of the most successful in Hollywood history -- and it's a shame that Disney won't be participating in Pixar's future successes."

What He Really Meant:
"We're through with you and your lousy deals!"

What Eisner Said:
"We have had a fantastic partnership with Pixar and wish Steve Jobs and the wonderfully creative team there, led by John Lasseter, much success in the future," said Disney's CEO Michael Eisner. "Although we would have enjoyed continuing our successful collaboration under mutually acceptable terms, Pixar understandably has chosen to go its own way to grow as an independent company."

What He Really Meant:
"Your loss."

What the Media said:
The split also offers a further hurdle for Eisner as he tries to steer his struggling media conglomerate into a full turnaround. Eisner is already dealing with uncertain economics in the TV and theme parks businesses, along with a pair of dissident shareholders seeking to portray the executive as overpaid and unresponsive to shareholder needs.

What the Media Meant:
Someone's in deep doodoo...

What Roy Disney and Stanley Gold said:
Roy Disney and ally Stanley Gold, who both resigned from the Disney board late last year and called for Chief Executive and Chairman Michael Eisner to step down, placed the blame on Eisner. "More than a year ago, we warned the Disney board that we believed Michael Eisner was mismanaging the Pixar partnership and expressed our concern that the relationship was in jeopardy," they said.

What They Really Meant:
"We told you so!"

What Warner Bros. Said:
A Warner Bros. spokesperson told CNN, "We would love to be in business with Pixar. They are a great company."

What They Really Meant:
"But we don't want to look too eager."

(Thanks to Veriyanta.)

Spiritual Fitness Corp. Presents...

...Diet Holy Water.

Worth quoting:

Of the thousands of bottles that we have sold, we have only had a handful of returns, and no one has gone to hell.

SECRET AGENCY OF THE DAY

Meet the FVZA. Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency. Which is, and I quote, "responsible for controlling the nation's vampire and zombie populations while overseeing scientific research into the undead." With Dr. Hugo Pecos,⁽¹⁾ as the Director.

Worth quoting:

(on requirements for Vampire Investigative Bureau's agents)
* To be able to read well, write legibly and have a fair knowledge of spelling.
* To be generally intelligent and free from any bodily complaint.

But of course. Otherwise there would've been famous last words such as...

"Ah, excuse me, is this the castle of Lord, uhm, Da-ri--no, that's not it. Da-ra-coo-e-la? Err, what are you doing with my neck?"

Or, "My... what big fangs you have."

________________

1: On an interesting note, the letters of his name can be rearranged into "Cop Goes Uh!"

Sounds Like A Potential Guest For "Oprah"

Men who breastfeed.


BORED?

How about playing internet tennis?


DEADLINES UPDATE

Ah. The ever sweet sensation of achievement. Alluringly satisfying, yet short-lived. Like reaching the peak of Himalaya. Feeling on top of the world. But only for five minutes. Because if you don't climb down soon, you'll become a part of the mountain. Forever.

Maybe this is why we seldom read headlines such as, "Copywriters conquered Himalaya!" We battled terrains, cheated death, and finally reached the top.

"What?" one of us would shout. "This is it!? I've had more satisfaction defeating crazy deadlines."

We'd have been sore campers. IF we survived. I mean, climbers can apply as copywriters, and their experiences may count as a plus. But if there was ever an open recruitment for climbers. I bet they wouldn't appreciate "can stay sleepless for two days straight with only a diet of pizzas and sodas" or "having the ego of all the mountains on earth combined."


TODAY’S PRESENTATION HIGHLIGHT

"Giving presentation without making eye contacts is like kissing a mirror. You can get all hot about it, but nobody else will.”⁽¹⁾--isman

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1: Unless you’re sexy and naked. But I digress.

Is That Your Natural Moustache...

...or are you just happy to see me?


CALLING LADIES AROUND THE WORLD!

This summer, if you want to wear something that sends out the polite message of, say, "Eat me!" This is your clothing of choice!

Legal Case Or Overreacting?

You decide: microsoft.com vs mikerowesoft.com

A 17-year-old student in Victoria was sued by Microsoft for copyright infringements. "Since my name is Mike Rowe, I thought it would be funny to add 'soft' to the end of it," said Rowe. He never expected the giant corporation would sue. "I didn't think they would get all their high-priced lawyers to come after me," Rowe added.

Worth quoting:

Rowe registered the name in August. In November, he received a letter from Microsoft's Canadian lawyers, Smart & Biggar⁽¹⁾, informing him he was committing copyright infringement.

So, what did the young computer techie do when Smart and Biggar⁽²⁾ lawyers were indeed coming after him? He stood his ground. "It's not their name. It's my name. I just think it's kind of funny that they'd go after a 17-year-old," Rowe said.
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1: Suggested tagline: "Smart and big companies hire Smart and Biggar lawyers."
2: A philosophical question: If the partners' names were Tonny Dumb and Jackie Dumbar, would the company be called "Dumb & Dumbar"?


PRESENTATION UPDATE

During my internet research for "PowerPoint Presentation Techniques," I stumbled upon a relieving fact. I'm not alone. There's a large number of people who already knew that Microsoft PowerPoint is responsible for the increasing amounts of bad presentations nowadays.

"It is?" you prolly ask.

Here's a satire look at it. Lured by the simplicity of its templates and wizards, too many people simply fill the pages up with bulleted text. Instead of conveying a story, which is what a presentation is all about.

The use of PowerPoint has spreaded so wide, that I once read (in 1999) that a mother used PowerPoint to her children to make them do house chores. The children had nightmares about it. And there's even a complaint about a bad hotel done in one. “It’s like alcohol in the hands of a drunk,” said Bill Wheless, an executive trainer and coach in Greenville, S.C., who occasionally has to restrain clients from an overzealous use of PowerPoint. “What we need is moderation.”

It's all good. As long as we don't forget the main point: Presentation is about conveying a message, or a story. Not about indexed items that can only be comprehended by the presenter. And not about complicated charts with objects as visible as bacteria.

For those interested in learning further, Seth Godin's Really Bad PowerPoint (And How to Avoid It) is a good way to start. And here, if you're interested in the ongoing debate, PowerPoint: Yay or Nay?

Not A Good Native American Name

Dancing with Cats.

Want to share a strong bond with Kitty? Try dancing with her.

I figure that's what MONPA (Museum of Non-Primate Art) is trying to say. Although their actual words are "preserve the movements, marks and sounds of non-primate species and consider them, without prejudice, as modes of aesthetic communication, in the hope of gaining new insights into our world."

But as a former cat owner, I wouldn't care. I would've just wanted the excuse to play with my cats.

The practice of dancing with cats dates way back from 1692. An ancient nursery rhyme was said to be a supporting evidence to that fact.

Hey diddle diddle
The cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon;
The little dog laughed to see such craft
And the dish ran away with the spoon

There's another theory that the person who wrote this was drunk. But let's not digress.

The actual practice of dancing with cats isn't as grand as ballroom dancing to the same tune or getting jiggy in the dancefloor. Although pictures such as this suggests otherwise. What they call "dancing with cats" is "moving synchronistically for a brief period of time."

Worth quoting:

Before we can begin dancing with our cats, we must first make contact with them

A philosophical question: How does one extend arms and says, in cat language, "We come in peace"?

So what is so wonderful about moving synchronistically with your cat? Dance therapist, Heather Busch wrote, "Once they've danced with their cat you often find they'll speak of feeling that their cat is now a far more significant part of their world and some say they've entered into a kind of spiritual partnership with it." Or if that's too grand, you can just accept that dancing with your cat makes you feel great. She agreed that whenever we do something in unison with another being, we feel stimulated. But she believed that there's something quite profound that happens to people who dance with their cat. "They appear to be affected both physically and emotionally. They talk of feeling alive for the first time and claim they become more out going, assertive and generous," she said.

(The above picture of Miami's Vicky and Tiger belongs to Heather Busch.)


DANCING WITH CAT TIPS

1) Choose your cat partner wisely. Do NOT, for example, pick one with too much attitude.
2) For music selection, stay away from any slow or romantic music. You may end up browsing this site.

Worth quoting:

(on selecting partner) "What's important is that you're happy, not their facial hair or how many legs he's got.."

(disclaimer) "...MarryYourPet is in no way responsible for anything nasty occurring. If your marriage breaks down or he wees on your best rug, it's entirely your own problem."

HOME FENG SHUI FOR TODAY

Do not give in to the temptation of camouflaging your electric sockets. Better eyesight doesn't come with age.


TODAY'S PET CARE TIP

Never make your pet bird drink Kratingdaeng (a caffeinated energy drink). Or Viagra.
--Sudi (a coworker and former bird owner)

FORTUNE COOKIE OF THE DAY

Promises made while being intoxicated are only true if you're sober enough to record it on tape.


TODAY'S MURPHY'S LAW

When the car service person says, "I guarantee," prepare to return the next day.