The Evil of "Between Quotes"

The official Indonesian tourism site dedicates a special section on Bali. This move is part of a program called "Bali Recovery", trying to restore inbound visits to this island. However, one particular page about family vacation rather misses its mark. In my opinion, the last thing you want to read about a family vacational spot is how children "friendly" it is.

Worth quoting:

...Balinese adore kids! The Balinese love children and are quite protective of them. They will often come up and strike a conversation with the kids and will sometimes pick them up and want to give them a hug. They will comment on how cute the "tourist" kids are.

Oh dear esteemed editors, please, let's not scare away potential visitors and just cut the last two sentences, shall we? And lose the quotes. You don't want "friendly" adults near your children either. Except if your kids are indeed "tourists".

_______

PS: Please remove "Isn't it well?" while you're at it. Remember the golden rule: if you smoke pot while copywriting, it'll show.

Having Trouble Sleeping at Nights?

Ask Dr. Pillow


Having Trouble Waking Up?

Play hide and seek with Lil' Clocky.

Worth quoting:

When the snooze bar is pressed, Clocky rolls off the table and finds a hiding spot, a new one every day.

(Thanks to Pip)


What's the Best Thing? Blow up People and Still Go to Heaven?

Pat Robertson, an American Conservative Christian broadcaster, warned his viewers about a "mass killing" that will happen in the United States in the second half of 2007. How did he know? Well, he claims that God told him.

However, he told viewers they should not be afraid because "if you get blown up or something, you go to heaven; that's the worst thing that will happen to you".


Quotations You Don't Hear That Often

"Thank God for cheap bras."


Brace Yourself: We'll Soon be Hearing Soapy Lines such as "I Know I'm Cheap, but Don't Pluto Me yet, Darling!"

Direct quotation:

To "pluto" is "to demote or devalue someone or something," much like what happened to the former planet last year when the General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union decided Pluto didn't meet its definition of a planet.

This Message is Brought to You by Your Local Opticians

Yet Another Good Name for a Rock Band

The Mashed potato Wrestlers.


Worst Pick-up Line of the Year

"Did I make you feel hot or was it your Solar Bikini?"


Low Noise Ratio

I apologize for the lack of updates. I decided to hibernate throughout the winter. (And for those of you who are smart enough to point out that Indonesia has a tropical climate, I offer you another justification: "My muse is a mosquito. And it sucks.")

Ask The Office Strategist

Q: I have problems with coworkers who keep borrowing things (like pens and stuff) and never bother to return them. Telling them nicely didn't work. What should I do?
A: Believe me, "nice" and "office" don't fit. They don't even rhyme. Sometimes you need to do unthinkable things to make a point. For instance, you can tie your pen to a twenty-meter long thread (or linked rubberbands). Then lend it to your friends. "Just a precaution," you can say to them. "Everybody seems to get amnesia after borrowing my stuff. So when I need the stuff, I can always pull it back." Pause for effect, then pat his back with a smile. "Try not to put it in your pocket. I might need it when you're in the restroom."

Q: Any extraordinary outbound suggestions, which can promote camaraderie among our colleagues?
A: Bog snorkelling.⁽¹⁾

Q: Is it just me or do the people who invented this sport sound like drunkards?
A: I'll drink to that. You can almost picture the pioneers coming up with this sport idea over a pint of beer.

Guy #1: I have a great idea for a sport.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Let's get some guys to snorkel through mud.
Guy #2: What if they refuse?
Guy #1: We won't call it mud. We'll just refer it as "water with peat".
Guy #2: Peat sounds great. I bet they won't even realize it until they try to swim across.
Guy #1: (laughing) Heck, no! They won't be allowed to swim.
Guy #2: Ah, so they'll have to rely on flippers! Yes, that could work. Their legs will be strong enough for that.
Guy #1: (laughing again) Not after riding a bicycle throughout the mountains they won't.
Guy #2: You're genius!

Q: You do notice that "The Bog Snorkellers" will be a good name for an office band?
A: Of course. We're professionals.
____________
1: Thanks to Henny.

Having Troubles Disciplining Your Dog?

Try dressing it as Napoleon.

If you ask me, the picture of this same dog dressed as William Tell gives the impression that it wants us to miss the apple a few inches below.

But if humiliating your dog doesn't work, you can try using technology. This includes "The Dog-powered Scooter",¹ the notorious "Neuticles", and "Princess Leia's Slave Girl Dog Costume."²

______
(1): About which, the article writer commented, "Not being a dog owner, I will have to wait for the cat-pulled chariot."
(2): The wonder of technology.